Recently I’ve been going through some changes in my personality and behavior (refer to previous post). I wasn’t wrong in my prediction – real changes in my personality and behavior are starting to take shape and I’m very much liking where it’s going. The process is far from complete though.
One of the things I’ve recently been striving hard to do is to try and be guided by my intuition. Not so much by what I think I want to do, but what I feel my being is pushing me towards. Well recently it’s been telling me that I need more alone time with myself. Being a very very introverted introvert, I questioned why I constantly felt drained/tired during the day and buzzing when I should be sleeping. In an attempt to answer this I hypothesized that maybe I need more alone time with myself and therefore have an extended arena to flex my creative muscle (because I’d always come up with fantastic creative ideas between the hours of 11pm – 3am and inevitably I wouldn’t be able to sleep).
So to test this theory I’ve been on a quest to find out the best cafe’s around the city. To scope them out, visit them, drink coffee in them, then read and write whatever I want to during my stay there.
I did that today. I went to a Gloria Jeans cafe just off Queen Street (the main street here in Auckland) and was there with my deck of cards fleshing out a card magic routine that’s been mulling in my head for quite a few weeks. After having a pleasant lunch I ordered coffee and a snack and started working on my idea. Writing it out and fleshing out every detail of the routine. I have to admit, it has helped immensely with developing the idea and refining it. I think by writing out your thoughts you temporarily free up mental resources to be used for higher level thinking with regards to an issue at hand, and this is very much what I experienced as I was writing today. I very much enjoyed it and wish to do it more.
As this was happening, an older male came and sat at the table to my left. He was about mid-60’s, plenty of white facial hair, two pairs of spectacles over his eyes, and a coat. Of course he was wearing other clothes as well, but those stood out to me.
As I was in the middle of practicing a card vanish/production when he looked over and said to me: “are you a professional gambler?” with a warm smile. I replied “not quite, I’m a semi-professional magician.” And that was it. For the next 60 minutes this guy, whom I wont name, outlined practically every highlight about his career and life. It was very interesting and I was well enthralled with what this man had been through as he is the loveliest person. Born in NZ, he has had homes in the Bahamas and in New York (where he was primarily based). He’s currently in the process of writing a novel and loves every minute of it. He talked to me about a friend of his who is in his mid-80’s now, and was the creator of many well known Broadway plays and musicals (think Annie, The Producers). He talked to me about his son who, when he was younger, had a phase in which he aspired to be a magician as well. Now his son is a very successful Broadway actor.
At the end of everything this guy really emphasized one thing. It was that whatever you were to do in life, make sure that you LOVE it! That was the thing that inspired him to talk to me. He told me he saw that what I was doing (sitting in a cafe working on my routine) was evidence of my passion for magic and that I should go for it whole-heartedly with no regrets. He says that he worked many menial jobs – even high paying corporate managerial positions – with absolutely no satisfaction because underneath it all he just wanted to be a writer. Now in his mid 60’s he’s finally a writer and he’s over the moon about it.
It was a very lovely chat and immensely inspiring. This gentleman was practically brimming with excitement and zest for life and I could tell that it emanated from the freedom gained from finally pursuing something that – until then – was a deep passion that flared deep within him as an individual.
My father once told me of the Black Swan theory. It’s a metaphor for unexpected events that have a huge – sometimes revolutionary – impact on the viewer of the events. The namesake comes from the now proven false theory that all swans are white. When the first black-colored swan was discovered, it threw all scientists off and they therefore had to re-evaluate their approach.
I feel really great about this encounter today precisely because I see it as a Black Swan encounter. It was immensely inspiring and who knows what paths it may lead me to one day. Conversely, to think – what if I didn’t choose to follow my intuition today? What if I wasn’t on a path of self discovery that lead me to that cafe on this day at that particular time? I would never have had this encounter and my life would remain the same. I would not be thinking right now about possible ways for me to make my passion a reality, to take action rather than to sit and let my passions remain passive.
I know it’s wishy-washy but that last point – to me – really underlines why it is we must listen to our intuition and our deepest desires. They will lead us to situations that attract people and circumstances which match the vision that we have in our head, we just are unable to comprehend the level on which this attraction is working. I believe that there is an almost telepathic knowledge of our own selves that our intuition can tap in to. It’s just so comprehensive and complex that we couldn’t possible comprehend it on a conscious level, so information gets drip fed to us bit-by-bit through things like dreams, intuition, creativity, epiphanies, revelations etc.
Whatever this encounter means in the greater scheme of things, I know it’s for the best and I know I wouldn’t be here writing this about it if I didn’t follow my heart and intuition. I know it has a role to play in the shaping of my ultimate life, in the grand scheme, I just can’t comprehend it right now. But I’ll look back one day and think to myself that of course this event had to have happened to get to where I am today. Maybe this is what Kendrick Lamar was referring to when he raps “the universe works mentally” in ‘Momma’ on his latest album, To Pimp A Butterfly (it was always something I pondered the meaning of).
In the extremely unlikely chance that you’re reading this – thank you so much for the chat today. It really opened my eyes to many things about this life, specifically how to live a happy life with your passions and desires.